Review – The Incredible Bulk…in my pants

Alright dudes time to rip of your shirts, bust out of your shoes and show off that incredibly average green bulge; it’s time for The Incredible Hulk. OK. First thing is first. One must realize that The Incredible Hulk movie has nothing to do with the horrendously atrocious HULK movie directed by Ang Lee. So please do not associate the two films. Ang Lee is best suited for gay cowboy movies like Brokeback Mountain, not big green dudes with sexy arms, a great chest and abs you can grate cheese on…. Anyway back to the Hulk.

This film starring Edward Norton as Bruce Banner/Hulk takes a bit of a different approach to the Hulk mythos. Bruce Banner is a fugitive of sorts, running away from the government because Bruce’s blood contains gamma radiation from some experiment that some dude with a mustache in a general’s outfit was in charge of and when angry, Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk and starts kicking ass and taking names. The storyline is pretty basic and nothing too deep. All you pretty much need to know is that when Bruce turns green, asses are going to be whooped.

Edward Norton plays a great Bruce Banner and represents the character very well. Now I will admit that my Hulk knowledge is not at its most proficient, BUT Norton is perfect to play a smart, clever yet not entirely nerdy scientist. Liv Tyler plays Dr.Betty Ross, Bruce’s somewhat hot scientist love interest. Now I am going on a tangent here but she looked kind of weird in this movie. I heard she just had a kid so maybe the kid took all her good looking genes and left the Steven Tyler in her, in any case she was still pretty good in the movie. William Hurt plays General Ross, resident father of Betty Ross and bonefied badass. Ok the latter part of that statement was misleading, his mustache had more personality than him in the film, but at least it was an awesome stache. Finally there was Tim Roth playing Major Emil Blonsky, some dude hired by the military with a severe case of little man syndrome that really loves fighting. Oh yeah he is also Abomination, a dude that is actually uglier than the Hulk but just as strong. They also laid the seed for The Leader, a super genius scientist but he is a douchebag so let’s forget about him.

Now it was a good thing Tim Roth played Abomination because he was the exactly that. I don’t know who did the casting for this movie but man they couldn’t pick a more weasel like douchebag to play what is supposed to be a ruthless army specialist with a big dick….er, I mean ego. He was the crappiest part of what I thought to be a pretty damn fine movie.

Every time Bruce would get cornered by the military my heart would start to race as I knew Bruce is going to bring the hurt on. To my dismay the partially retarded chimp that is Tim Roth would barge in with his Down syndrome swagger and ruin it all.

Now the most important part, the fighting. Hulk looked awesome, Abomination looked awesome, the fight scenes looked awesome AND the Hulk did his famous his famous Hulk Smash and Clap. Only the Hulk can make a Clap manly, when you leave you are going to have Hulk Clap…..it burns man, trust me, I know. My favorite thing was that the gayest thing about the Hulk, his purple pants, had been replaced with manly denim. God…denim is so manly.

All in all a very solid movie that redeemed the cluster fuck that was the first Hulk movie. The Incredible Hulk gets 8 throbbing radioactive bulges out of 10.

I leave you with Fido Hulk, Hulk’s beloved dog….that eats babies

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Site Launch!!!!!!!!!!

Hey everyone,

Welcome to KICK ASS REVIEWS! This will be a site completely devoted to the review of video games, movies, books, comics, graphic novels, pretty much anything that I find awesome. I tried to think of a clever name for this site that would give the acronym of S.H.I.T. You know like S.H.I.T reviews.....but I am not original or creative...so shut up. Now I am not a "professional" at this, and I will most likely use "swear" words in my reviews. One thing you can count on is the fact that I will be 100 percent completely honest about my reviews.

Now first thing is first, since I am an independent I will only review game, movies, graphic novels etc that I can get my hands on. I will do as many as possible, but entertainment products are expensive and I am a poor student. So unless you wanna give me stuff for free, you can shut up. I also have some biases you should all know about. I dig FPS's but nowadays it's getting a little over saturated. I really find RPG's boring....I don't know why either. I love point and click adventure games like LOVE (yes I know gay) and I dig turn based strategy games like Civilization. So you would think I would love RPG's like Final Fantasy. Well you are wrong..... and stupid. I love Batman, but the Frank Miller version none of that lame Adam West stuff, although it does provide some fantastic entertainment. But I PROMISE I will be more open minded and try new things, after all I wanna become a better person....can you feel us bonding? I can.

Anyways, the first review will probably be up within the next couple of days so I hope you all enjoy the site. On a final note I thought that this site needed something of an amazing figure to introduce the site. Soooooo..... you will all recognize him as the most famous and well recognized video game character of all time.... that's right! I introduce to you...


GAY MARIO!