Review – The Dark Knight (Spoiler Alert!)

Alright everyone time to strap into your Bat suit, jump in your Bat mobile and pick up some Bat bitches because it’s time to review The Dark Knight. First off I want to start off with the fact that there are SPOILERS in this review, and if you read this before watching the movie you will be SPOILED, so do yourself a favor and don’t SPOIL it. If I didn’t talk about the movie plot and the events that happened in it, this review would be nothing but “It’s awesome! Go see it!”. So now that the warning is out of the way let’s gets started.

Recently I read that Adam West, TV’s first Batman saw The Dark Knight and didn’t like. He said the movie was not light hearted enough and that the movie was to dark and brooding. Well Mr. West first off let me start of by saying that you are fucking BAT SHIT CRAZY (god I am so clever). Mr. West seems to forget that Batman is The DARK Knight in GOTHAM City, and his parents were fucking MURDERED, and that is what drives Batman’s ANGER and FEAR to rid scum from city streets. Let us also not forget that Adam West has made his career of off people laughing at him ie) Family Guy and The Simpsons. Finally Batman played by Christian Bale actually looks like Batman!

Example of this: Left- Christian Bale Batman, Right -Adam West Batman

I know that seems like a tangent, and it kind of was but it really hammers down the point of the atmosphere established in this movie. As you may know Christopher Nolan wrote and directed The Dark Knight as well as Batman Begins. Thank god for that, because after the Batman movie with George Clooney I was ready to give up on my childhood comic book hero. Mr. Nolan takes such a serious, realistic and dark approach to the movies and it makes the movies work. Even in comics Batman used to be really gay, and then a man named Frank Miller, who also wrote the Sin City graphic novels, came and really made Batman what he is today, a smart, driven, mean ass motherfucker that would do anything to stop crime, with the exception of killing people. Christian Bale does a fantastic performance as Bruce Wayne. You really feel like he is a rich douche bag that just bangs high society poon all night. Bale also nails the character of Batman as a calculating, cold logic detective with all the tools necessary to perform his duty. The only qualm I had with Batman was that Bale used too much of his stupid Batman voice in regular conversation. It’s awesome when Batman is super pissed and he yells” WHERE IS HE?”, that totally works. But when he is just talking to Commissioner Gordon it seems a bit much at times. I say this only because it sounds like Bale is changing his voice to seem rough, but then again Bale is Batman and I am a nerdy douche bag writing a review in my underwear, so keep up the good work Bale. The great thing is how you can see Batman’s motives bleeding through Bruce Wayne’s actions. A good example of this is when Bruce is having dinner with Harvey Dent and is pretty much testing him on his beliefs and motives. It’s a fantastic scene that will send chills down your Bat cock.

Another character throughout this film is Rachel Dawes played by Maggie Gyllenhaal. Rachel is Bruce Wayne’s childhood love interest who is banging Harvey Dent during this film. Maggie replaced Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes, and to be perfectly honest I didn’t even notice until someone told me. So good riddance Mrs. Holmes…oh and by the way, Scientology sucks! Now Maggie does a good job at playing a hard nosed prosecutor, she’s good looking enough to believe that she can mingle with high society but not so good looking where you question her being a lawyer. In any case the bitch dies. She gets blown into a billion pieces by the Joker (Heath Ledger) and Harvey Dent hears this and ultimately goes crazy thus becoming Two Face. Rachel played her part and it worked, I was shocked to see her die, but also kind of happy, it added a very realistic tone to the film. You see how Batman truly can’t save everybody.

Now on to Harvey Dent/Two Face played by Aaron Eckhart. I have always thought that Harvey Dent as a character was more interesting than Two Face. This movie really evens that out, you really feel for Dent as you see his life crumble before his eyes. Finally a movie that explains why there is two sides to his personality. Dent is the perfect example of the struggle that good and evil has in everyone. He is not some pointless douche that is obsessed with the number two for no reason. I don’t know why it took so long for the movie industry to figure this out, but better late then never I guess. Now it in the movie half of Dent’s face gets burned off. In the comic however his face is burned by acid while questioning a witness during a trial. Different I know, BUT, there is a wonderful acknowledgement of his origins in the movie when during a trial, the mobster he is questioning pulls a gun on him. This is a wonderful consistency that Christopher Nolan has kept throughout the film; he keeps the Batman universe true while still putting his own twist on it.

On to Commissioner Gordon played by Gary Oldman, all I have to say is that finally, FINALLY someone portrayed Gordon as a no nonsense Cop that is balls deep in the underbelly of Gotham City. How come in every other movie, he is some bumbling moron with two left feet that just calls Batman every time there is trouble? Like why did we hire you Gordon? You have a gun and a police force. Go catch some criminals. I remember thinking “Wow, Gotham would be pretty fucked if Batman wasn’t around.”. I don’t think that way anymore. Gordon takes a bullet in the back only to come back and save Batman. Bad ass? I think so.

Finally the person that makes this movie what it is. The Joker played by Heath Ledger. Um…HOLY FUCK HE IS AWESOME. Heath does a perfect job of playing to my mind the best villain in comics. He is a sadistic fuck that you know nothing of, and yet he still makes you laugh. You actually want to see more of The Joker throughout the film. From the moment that he performs his “magic” trick to the moment where he is dressed up as a freaky ass nurse and blows up a hospital. From the moment Joker arrives in Gotham you can really tell that no one gets any sleep until he is caught. I mean they make blowing up a hospital a joke in the movie! My favorite part of the film is when The Joker is standing in front of all of the mobsters in Gotham after stealing all their money and one of the mobsters yells “ You think you can steal our money and get away with it?” which Joker replies “ …Yes”. I can’t even being to describe how perfect he was in this film. Another fantastic touch is how the Joker tells of his origins. At first I didn’t like that they told his origins because you don’t want to know his origins. Then, Joker tells his story again only to change it over and over. I was so happy they did that. You got me Joker, oh man you are a sick fuck……I love you. The one down point is that we will never see him again. Heath Ledger had to go and kill himself that asshole. Nobody can ever play the Joker again! Heath took the best villain, fucking nailed it, then goes and dies, thereby making anyone else who wants to play The Joker look like an idiot. It is a bittersweet moment seeing The Joker for the first and last time. RIP Heath, you are fucking awesome

Some honorable mentions are Batman arsenal. Batman’s Batmobile is back briefly, only to eject his fucking awesome Batbike when his Batmobile is damaged, I lost it in the theatre when I saw that. Later though I felt like a fucking idiot not figuring it out that the Batbike came from the Batmobile. I even had a conversation with a friend about that with my friend. “Hey dude, isn’t it weird how the Batman sits the SAME EXACT way in both the Bike and his tank of a car?....OH well must be nothing.”

All in all if you are a Batman fan. This is the perfect movie for you. It is what Batman fans have been waiting for their entire lives. Finally I give The Dark Knight 10 Bat Bulges out of 10! Join me next time for more reviews! Same Bat time, same Bat…..uh...URL? I hate you Adam West